ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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