My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
