when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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