I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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