upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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