you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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