It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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