i barfeds in our rink
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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