Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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