Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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