dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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