Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
