be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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