I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
