She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
