Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
