I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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