I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
