The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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