sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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