Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
