So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
