All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Two words: blizzard sex
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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