my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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