Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
