Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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