That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize