He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
