chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
