I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize