Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
