Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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