Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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