Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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