Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
