careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
