Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The power of my boobs compel you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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