the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
