I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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