seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
