i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
