I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
