the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
