hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
