I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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