Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
