My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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