Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
