moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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