My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she smelled like a LAN party
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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