Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
