I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
