U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
