i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Houston, we have a blender
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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