Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
