Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
