I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
