i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
