Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am naked and annoyed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
