last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
