how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
