Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
