ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
