Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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