Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
