when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
