Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
