Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
