My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
