Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
