I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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