I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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