Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
