dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
