If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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