Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
