Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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