every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
